From TYWKIWDBI:

These headlines, from several long-lost sources, have been stored on my hard drive for years.  The term “crash blossoms” was introduced at Language Log last fall, and mentioned in the New York Times Magazine last week.

Some of these depend on noun/verb equivalents, others on misplaced modifiers, etc.  All can be called “infelicitously worded” headlines.  I think many or most are contrived rather than historically real, but there are still quite a few enjoyable ones.  I’ve boldfaced some of my favorites:

Blind Bishop Appointed To See
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
Patient At Death’s Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim’s Kin
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let’s Resolve to Do Better
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years
Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation at High School
Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Collegians are Turning to Vegetables
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Eye Drops off Shelf
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
Air Head Fired
Alcohol Frequently Seen In Cases (from the Colorado Daily News)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy (from the Louisville Courier Journal)
Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
Deer Kill 17,328
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures (from Daily Sun Post)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (from the Providence Journal)
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
Infertility Unlikely To Be Passed On (from the Montgomery Advertiser)
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award (from the Buffalo News)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years (from the Post News)
Lack of Brains Hinders Research (from The Columbus Dispatch)
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (From the Valley News)
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing (from The Sun)
March Planned For Next August
Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
New Vaccine may Contain Rabies
Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought (from The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (from The Overland News)
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Putting Mattress On Floor Prevents Fall From Bed (from the Associated Press)
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped (from The Times, in the U.K.)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Stud Tires Out
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link (Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995)
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men (The Sunday Oregonian)
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung (Headline from the Oakland Tribune)
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
War Dims Hope for Peace
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash

…from Douglas Wilson

As we consider the meaning of the death of Jesus—intended by God as the death of all envy—and the power of His resurrection, intended as the basis for the proclamation of the gospel of life, what should we do? In the light of this, how should we live in community with one another?

Here is a fundamental rule of thumb to test whether you are living in accordance with gospel logic. What is your attitude toward people who excel you in anything? It might be the creation of wealth, it might be artistic giftedness, or it might be their ability to live comfortably with others. It could be anything. What is your attitude toward that? Does that kind of thing cause you to spur yourself on in glad imitation? Do you rejoice in what God has given to others? Do you want to grow to be like that, joining them in the pursuit of God-honoring excellence?

Or do you carp and criticize? Do you accuse them of cheating? Do you search out those who have conspired to make you come in third? Do you goad yourself with an envy prod to help you try to catch up with them? And if that is not possible, do you try to drag them down to your level, if only in your heart?

It is this attitude that the cross of Christ puts to death. And when it is put to death, a great deal of the trouble in the world is put to death along with it. Christians who understand gospel logic should be, taking one thing with another, the most accomplished and least envious people in the world. That is what the cross represents and means.

Hello friend,

I wrote to you yesterday, inviting you to join me in a daily study that I have prepared. The subject matter of this study is the Westminster Confession of Faith, a document that has greatly influenced the world in which we live. You may be familiar with the catechism which is simply a series of question/answer pairs. For example, the first question:

Q. 1. What is the chief and highest end of man?
A. Man’s chief and highest end is to glorify God, and fully to enjoy him forever.

It’s not complex stuff; it’s the same catechism that was used to teach first graders in early American colonies. However it is a tremendous survey of the basics of the Christian faith.

So the plan is to cover the 185-question catechism, the Scripture texts behind each question, and some related content. We’ll stroll along at a pace of about 5-10 minutes per day and do this over the course of 180 days. The study will be formatted into daily bite-size chunks much like a personal devotional. For ease of access, the study will be available via weblog, auto-email list, and RSS.

My hope in all this is that the gospel of Jesus Christ might stir up our hearts in a way that brings the goodness, beauty, and righteousness of reformation to our lives, our homes, and our world.

The postings will commence tomorrow, Reformation Day. To check it out or sign-up visit - http://westminster180.blogspot.com/

Sola Deo gloria,
Kaleb

That’s what I ate for dinner tonight! I usually find nutritious things to eat, but tonight soda and donuts seemed to be the right combination.

The pot of Libertini-spaghetti would have been better, but it will still take another six hours for the sauce to cook down (thanks, Herins, for the garden tomatoes). Plus, the sauce is already pledged to the Rudy Guerrero family (blessings upon baby Isaiah).

I loved Nathan Sander’s blog post on ‘Al Bhed’. It was actually exciting and sensible when he described it. Of course, he could probably describe the process of rewiring an electrical outlet and make it seem intriguing.

Looked up the reference to “l337 haxx0r” = l33t haxor = leet hacker for someone, since I “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the g33k that is in you with meekness and fear” (in KJV for Mel, in leet speak for my co-worker).

And then the word “hacker” reminded me of Paul Graham, so I visited his website and enjoyed a quote he posted, “The less confident you are, the more serious you have to act.” I rarely act serious… too bad affirming the consequent is a logic fallacy. The quote, “Your twenties are always an apprenticeship, but you don’t always know what for,” should give some of us hope and joy in the journey.

I found a new template to apply to my blog face soon (it has some cool web 2.0 jazz), so keep a look out for that.

Okay, well, I have made it from iTunes: ‘George Frideric Handel’ through ‘Georges Bizet’ while surfing the net, which means that it is high time for me to turn in for the evening.

May God bless you,
and keep you,
and cause His face,
to shine upon you,
and give you rest!

Bob Preston, a mentor, pastor and friend, has been writing about a revival of our hearts toward God. He shared this story at our church awhile back, and has recounted it on his blog here. He writes:

After praying that prayer for two years, the Lord answered by giving me a revelation of what I have now come to know is His requirement for our first step of preparation for revival – having the Father’s heart for the lost – both those who have not yet come to know Christ Jesus as their Savior and those who have come to know Him as such but who have, for this season, entered into a prodigal lifestyle, who, due to their rebellion and wandering, have become ensnared once again by the lusts of the world (the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life – 1 John 2:16), and, therefore, enslaved once again to the Enemy.
This revelation came to me in a most unwelcome form (I prayed, remember, that the Father had permission to do whatever was necessary to make of me the man of God that He wanted to be, in His way, whatever it took) – the worst nightmare that I have ever experienced in my life!
In this nightmare, my oldest granddaughter had been kidnapped. At this time, Ashley was only 7 years old and truly a most precious little girl. In the dream, I could see that these evil men had taken Ashley to a dark and filthy basement somewhere in the heart of the very worst part of the city and had physically tied her to a bed in a small room with a dim light. They injected my precious child with heroin in order to begin the process of making her a slave to them.
In other rooms I saw other little girls who had been captive for some time and were totally under the demonic control of these evil men. I was horrified to see perverse, evil and violent men paying these kidnappers money to sexually assault these poor little girls, none of whom could have been more than ten years old! I came to realize that these beasts were preparing my precious little girl to be there next sex slave, and for the first time in my life I knew what the true meaning of insanity is.
I knew not only the brand of insanity of these vile, demon-possessed men, but I now began to realize that I, too, could experience another kind of insanity – a total break with reality to escape a horror that my normal mind could not manage to live with.
At that moment of realization, filled with grief, fear, anguish and emotional pain the likes of which I had never before experienced in my life, I cried out to our Father from the very depths of my soul! I cried out for His help, for deliverance for my granddaughter. I cried out to Him, because I felt so totally and completely helpless. I begged Him, screaming in my anguish, “Please, Father, please, in Jesus’ Name, help me! Show me where my precious granddaughter is! Father, please, help me! I must rescue her! I cannot bear to endure this horror!”
I heard, I felt deeply, the Father’s response to my anguished pleas. He asked me simply, “Son, if I were to show you exactly where Ashley is held captive, if I were to give you the exact address of that house, what would you do?”
I screamed with all the strength within me, “Anything! I will do anything and everything necessary to free my baby! I will break down any door to reach her and set her free. I will destroy any man who tries to stand between me and that child. God help me, but I would, without hesitation, kill anyone who dared try to keep her from me! I must rescue my precious little girl!”
Then I heard the deepest, softest, yet most powerful resonance within my soul as I heard the Father speak once more: “Now, My son, now you have just a taste of how I feel about My children who are in bondage to the Satan. Now you have just begun to understand the Passion of My heart!
Beloved, I awoke from that nightmare shaken and broken, a very different man than the one who had gone to sleep just a few hours before. After two years of praying, of crying out to the Father for Him to do in me whatever it took – I was transformed in my understanding of what the Lord requires of us! Even now, I am still learning how He is working out in me all that it takes for me to live and minister in the ways that conform my prayers, behavior, use of time and energy, resources in order that I can be used of Him for His purposes in order to fulfill the desires of His heart.
I believe that the Father has made it abundantly clear to me that He will not even begin to move in our midst with a true Revival until we corporately, as the Body of Christ, begin to function in such a way that we, together, are seeking to fulfill His will, the very desires of His heart!
Will you join me in praying that we might seek His face to this end?
It is our necessary First Step!